"There is no reason to fear the wind if your stack of hay is well tied"

For the first time we had our property plowed and then made into hay. It was interesting to watch the process. I took some pictures because all the hay piles were quite a sight!






*Please ignore the tacky IU sticker....compliments of John.

Sleepless in Snackville

At least my cat is awake. And wanting to play with the cursor on the computer screen. I can't even see what I am typing. Isn't he so helpful. I have been suffering from sleepless nights for months now and as I watch late night tv the Lunesta commercials taunt me. They really know when to market that stuff. I have to do like 90% of my moving tasks tomorrow and I feel like I haven't slept enough. I considered taking some sleep medicine around 5am, but then I had fears of not being able to wake up until 2pm and have none of my stuff packed. (That typing class in high school is really coming in handy right now, as my cat takes up the entire screen of the computer.) One good thing about not being able to sleep is that your cats are always really happy to see you are awake, but I think that is the only positive that comes out of sleeplessness. Okay, my cat just deserted me so I think it is time to give sleep another try.

Excerpt from Kyleigh's Daily Meditation Book

It has been four months since my mother's passing. Kyleigh emailed this excerpt out to my family and I thought I would share the thought for today...

I sit on the rich, moist earth, green earth, and draw my knees to my chest.
All is not lost. The birds have simply moved on. They give me the
courage to do the same.

At this time of year in some parts of our country, we begin to see the birds
fly south for a long season. How do they know? How will they know to come
back? The answers are out of our hands. The processes of life go on,
irrespective of our knowledge or ignorance. How reassuring that we don't
need to know, that the Creator who set the globes of the solar system
spinning does know. And the birds do come back. Can we extend the same
trust to our experiences of loss and renewal? Can we watch birds go, secure
in the expectation of their return? Can we say goodbye to our loved
ones--not in the expectation that they will come flying back in the spring,
but that, in ways we cannot know, they will continue to be present to us,
continue to love us, as we continue to love them?

Moving Stress

You probably sensed my excitement about moving in my previous entry, but now that excitement has changed to stress. Everywhere I look, I see something that I need to pack. I got some boxes today and I really wish that they would fill themselves. I think I should be working on my moving checklist instead of blogging about working on my checklist. Ugh.

I tested out mattresses yesterday when I was shopping around for a new bed. It is a bit awkward testing out the beds because the sales people tell you to lay on the bed in your sleeping positions, but it is a bit strange when you are in a store with people staring at you. I had no idea beds were so expensive. The sales guy said, "There isn't anything else that you spend more time with." He got me there and now I feel a little more comfortable making a big purchase. Those sales guys really know how to get ya.

I feel like you always realize how much crap you have when it comes time to moving. I almost want to throw away everything and start over. I feel like all of this stuff is weighing me down. I feel if I don't want to deal with it, then it probably isn't worth having...but if I stick that philosophy you will find me and my cats sitting on the corner asking for spare change and kitty treats. Just the thought of that motivates me to pack at least once box.

Movin' on up

I am going to try to write more often now. I do have some exciting news! I got a job in Bloomington and will start in less than a week. Ahh! The whole process was really quick and I happily accepted a position in account service with a marketing and advertising firm. My mind keeps swirling with to-do lists (none of which I have written) and my packing list (which I have yet to write). I am off to a great start, right?

I maybe found an apartment to move into. It is really difficult to move to a college town and try to find an open apartment at this time of year. I am going down to Bloomington tomorrow to check some things out and hopefully I will have a better idea of h0w much my life is about to change in the next week.

I've told my kitties that we are moving back to Bloomington. Bella seems happy about it, but I worry about Diego. While we were in St. Louis he cried and howled in the bathtub every night. He isn't good with change.

Another exciting venture I have on the horizon is my trip out to Denver to visit Tiffany. I haven't been out to visit her yet and I am really excited to explore Colorado with her.

So those are the exciting things happening with me. Lots of change. I am excited about all of this, but a bit apprehensive at the same time. I have found comfort in spending time with my dad, being at home, and trying to adjust to life after my mom's passing. Going through a big change like this might be hard with everything new and diving into a new job. But I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and hopefully I can fall into a routine that feels somewhat normal - or a new normal.

I have decided to stop writing, at least for now. The past few months have been incredibly hard and my heart feels very heavy. It is difficult to find much to write about right now.

Signing off,
Whitney

A Random Compilation of Some Favorite Photographs

Pugtastic

I can't get enough of this pug. John and I found it while perusing the net the other night and it made us crack up.

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
-W.S. Merwin

This Saturday, the 16th, at 7pm my family and I will be celebrating the memory of my mother at our home. Everyone is welcome to join us. We will be hosting another memorial service in NJ on Sunday, the 24th, as well. If you need more information, please contact me.

A Temporary Fix

For the past 7 months I have been a temp at Kaplan. For the first few weeks, I would come home crying because I hated data entry. See blog from October. Data entry made me nuts. My eyes were crossed at the end of the day and my head throbbed. It honestly is really funny how things changed. The work did not change, but everything else surrounding the work did - and I guess I did too. I met friends (holla Matt & Amy), enjoyed "free bagel Fridays", carpooled to Marsh for the salad bar, and lunched with friends at El Rodeo and "the deli."

Things started to be not so bad. I began listening to "This American Life" at work. It kept me entertained for hours and now I have to dig deep into the archives to find one to listen to. I had people to lift my spirits and make me laugh. The Sanjaya picture in my cube that Matt put up created a lot of talk. I almost lost some friends when I started to accuse and become paranoid about who stole my cat post-it notes, only to find out they were just hiding from me. I talked a lot of trash about Purdue. I got reunited with an old Alpha Phi friend. I had many awkward discussions about the many similarities between "Ugly Betty" and me with co-workers. I discussed ANTM (America's Next Top Model for those non-watchers) in great detail with Matt each week. I also found out that Matt likes Raven-Symone and that almost was the demise of our friendship. Amy and I talked about all the details of her upcoming wedding (Congrats Mrs. Kern) and I got to see how everything came together.

All of this made the data entry not so bad. This place was such a stark contrast from my previous work environment, so it took a while for me to adjust to the more comfortable and easy-going surroundings. The job that I thought would be the end of me became a blessing in disguise. I couldn't have a job that required too much out of me and put too much stress on my mind. I also needed flexibility to go to appointments and I didn't have the first problem doing so. My stomach wasn't in knots about not meeting expectations and I felt like I could put in my time at work and come home to what mattered.

Yesterday was my last day at Kaplan. My family and I decided that I should be home right now. I need to spend time with my mom and help out. It was getting too hard to try to balance work and home and time has become too precious to spend away. I spent the whole day yesterday talking to people in my "palace" or "pimp cube." (I have a larger than normal cube space and no one knows why I, as a temp, got such a sweet deal.) I thought I was going to get a lot more work done than I did, but it was nice to have people in my cube and saying bye and talking with me. It was a bittersweet day. I headed out to lunch with a bunch of friends and it was great to look around the table and know I made many new friends. A situation that seemed so bleak back in the Fall, bloomed into a wonderful thing by Spring. Months ago I stopped feeling like a temp, but more like a person who was part of a group. I will miss being the princess of my cube palace which was adorned with funny cat calendar days tear-offs and Sanjaya. I packed up last minute last night because I would be too sad to sit in my naked cube for the day. I said "see you later" to my friends and headed home.

Now I am in a new chapter. A chapter that is filled with sadness, hope, love, anger, tears, helplessness, sorrow, and sometimes peace. I hope I can take what I learned from my experience at Kaplan - not how to report insane amounts of data - but the true lesson of it with me. I had no idea that I would come out of this missing it there. Something that seemed horrible become okay. I have to shake my head when I think about where I was at back in the Fall. I would have done anything to work and do something else. I thought I had it all figured out that my time there would be horrible, but I couldn't have been more wrong about it.

Tomorrow at 2pm we have an important appointment with my mom's doctor. We appreciate your thoughts, prayers, and support.

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” - Washington Irving

Note to Self (Bee)

When I wear a yellow sweater (no matter how cute it is) with black pants, I feel like this.

They always make me feel better

If you are obsessed with my cats like me or just really bored at work, check out my kitty slideshow.

Just Like Kitten

Tomorrow I am getting massage, compliments of Kyleigh and Courtney - thank you very much. I just called and scheduled it. I can't stop thinking about it.

I have decided that if I don't come out of the spa looking like this kitten, I am going to demand a full refund.

Adventures in "The Windy City"

Well Slap My Ass and Call Me Sally

As of today, I have high-speed internet at my house. Do you know what this means people? I don't think anyone can relate at this point because everyone got high-speed 5 years ago. I no longer have the hear the annoying (and archiac) "dial-up" sound. Do you people even remember what that sounds like?

I can play on myspace, load pictures, check my email, and blog without feeling like I am going to pull my hair out. Maybe I will even participate in a little online shopping. Muhaha. I couldn't wait, so I just perused Coach and checked out the purse that I want. I have internet ADD now. Ebay. Kate Spade. Coach. Myspace. I can't stop. I gotta go....shop.

Odds and Ends

I've been busy lately and my blog has paid the price. But after all, I'm not sure how many people come to get their daily snack. My readers have probably withered away and lack the energy to get online. It's like the girl who is on the hunger strike until Sanjaya gets kicked off. I'm still working in Indy and making the commute almost everyday. I just try to zone out and drive to make the commute faster. I'm staying in Indy a couple nights a week with John. He is now living in Broad Ripple, so it is really nice to have him close again, even though we aren't living in the same city. Things in Crawfordsville aren't too exciting. I get so frustrated with the drivers there. Yesterday I pulled behind a car in the left turn lane and the light was green. The car didn't inch out to turn or anything. It stayed behind the line and just looked at the vacant shops on main street. I was shouting obscenities in my car and it really made me angry when people don't wait in the intersection to turn. Anyway, we missed the light and I had to sit behind the guy for a few more minutes.

My sister, Kyleigh, was home last week for her Spring break. It was great having her at home. We played Scrabble, cooked meals, and played the Wii. :) We also shared a no-longer-secret with my mom. When Kyleigh was about 3 years old she was running down the hall upstairs in our NJ house. Kyleigh fell and hit her head really hard on the molding around my parent's bedroom door. She bled a lot and still has a big scar on her forehead from it. Now this is the good part. Fast forward 25 years when Courtney and Kyleigh live together. Courtney decided that she needed to get something off her chest. She told Kyleigh she felt really guilty about something she did. She said it always made her feel bad and she was really to fess up. She confessed that she tripped Kyleigh on purpose that day! She didn't realize that Kyleigh would get really hurt and when she did, Courtney kept her mouth shut. Kyleigh was shocked with horror and it probably scared to death to live with Courtney. What more is she capable of? What other deep dark secrets does she carry around with her? Kyleigh and I told my mom the truth about the story this past week and she was horrified. It is funny to learn the truth about something that you never really questioned.

This weekend John and I are taking the bus on Friday 13th (screech!) to Chicago for the weekend. We have tickets to see the Cubs play on Saturday and the rest of the weekend we will be having fun in Chicago with friends. We also have plans to dine at the Golden Apple. After hearing about it on "This American Life" on NPR, John added it to our itinerary. I'm sure it will be a good time.

I hope none of your jokes backfire today

Photos from California

Here are a few pictures from my trip to California. I might add more later!

National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month

March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. I know that colon cancer may not be a part of your every day, but it is mine. As many of you know, my mom has stage 4 colon cancer. She was diagnosed at the age of 55. She had no symptoms, no known family history, and felt just fine. She isn't a smoker and maybe has a drink on a rare occasion. Her diagnosis was a complete surprise and it was more shocking to learn she most likely had tumors growing for 3-5 years. She happened upon her cancer by accident, but by then, "this silent killer" had spread. This is something I, along with many others, would like to prevent you from experiencing. I think it is a good idea that there is a month decided to spreading the word about colorectal cancer because it reminds people to take a yearly inventory on their health and mention it to others. I'm trying to do my part by offering information about this type of cancer to you all so you can talk to others about it. Please talk to your parents, relatives, and friends about this. Colon cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the United States, accounting for about 20 percent of all cancer deaths. This year alone, more than 131,000 Americans will be diagnosed with colon cancer, and 56,000 will die from it.

Colon cancer is also one of the most curable types of cancer if it is diagnosed early. When detected at its earliest stages, chances for a cure are as high as 90 percent. There are several screening and diagnostic methods to detect colon cancer early, before it has spread to vital organs. A colonoscopy is the most common screening method and it can be done as an out-patient procedure.

Studies have shown that the following things have been associated with colon cancer:

• Eating a low-fiber, high fat diet with minimal fruit and vegetables. Limit foods from animal sources that are high in fat, especially saturated fat, such as red meat, milk, cheese, ice cream, and coconut and palm oil. Restrict fat intake to less than 30 percent of daily calories.
• A diet high in red and processed meats
  
• Being overweight
• Smoking (smoking at a young age - in your twenties - increases your lifetime risk of colorectal cancer)
• Inactive lifestyle
• Family history of colon cancer or polyps
• Age - About 90 percent of all colon cancer cases occur in people older than age 50. About 6 percent of people age 75 to 80 have had colon cancer at some point in their lives.
• Diseases of the colon
• Heavy alcohol consumption

You can read about symtoms here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/colon-cancer/DS00035/DSECTION=2

It is important to remember even if you don't meet any of the high risk factors you are still at risk and should get a colonoscopy at the age of 50. My mom's only association to this list is that she is over the age of 50. You can find a lot of information on the web about colon cancer, if you would like to learn more. I hope you all can find people to talk to about this and spread the word. Time here on Earth is precious. Encourage your friends, family, and parents to take the proper precautions to ensure a long and healthy life!

25

Today I am 25. I feel like I should be sophicasted by now, but inside I feel like this.

Thanks to everyone for making me feel special today!

Today is Friday and I couldn’t be happier about it. Friday seemed so out of sight this week and I am relieved that Friday is here. I’m really looking forward to the weekend and excited for the Indiana Hoosiers to play again in the NCAA tournament. Last night they beat Gonzaga and they play UCLA on Saturday. I’m going to be in Hoosier Heartland (Bloomington) this weekend, so it will be great to be around some young college kids. I’m at that weird stage in life that if I am on a college campus I don’t look creepy old and strange because I can still pass as a student, but I know inside that I don’t belong there anymore. That my time at IU is over, but I revel in the fact that I can blend in with the masses for now. I used to laugh because it seemed like if you were over 40 and studying at IU, it was a prerequisite that you walked around campus with a “roller book bag” – the kind you pull on wheels behind you. I don’t know why middle-aged people are so averse to a bag, book bag, or carrying their books. Their belongings must be wheeled behind them. Maybe because as you get older, you think you need to bring everything but the kitchen sink with you. Meds, band-aids, lots of pens, some quarters just in case, glasses, sneakers to change into when you walk across campus, etc.

I arrived on Indiana’s campus when I was 18 years old. Since then, I’ve traveled to bunch of places, but Bloomington still remains one the best places in the world to me. My 25th birthday is on Monday and I can’t think of a better place to pre-celebrate. I love it there, roller book bags and all. I guess I have to start being sensitive to the older folks because I will soon be one of them.

I have a morning routine. I like to read the news and gossip. I usually hit up and peruse cnn, perezhilton, and people. Then I check my town's online newspaper to see if anything exciting is going on. Usually it just highlights sports, meth busts, or Wal-Mart. Today I found this huge picture front and center. It totally caught me off guard to see this because it is an incredible contrast from cnn and what is usually there. When I locked eyes with the guy, I couldn't stop laughing. I copied the picture and sent it to John and now he is experiencing fits of laughter. His eyes, his smile, his mouth, his tongue, the slab of fish he is holding - it is all too much. The combination is hilarious. John is going to practice duplicating this face. I can't wait to go home and see it.

California Love

It was 17 degrees when I got up this morning. I need some more California love.

I'm back from California, but under the weather. Some sort of miserable bug got me and I'm feeling really bad. I went to the doctor yesterday and now I am on drugs, but nothing seems to help yet. My head feels like it is in a vice and my throat is really hurting me. I'm taking antibiotics, Cold-Eeze, Sudefed, and Nyquil and nothing seems to be working. All my body wants to do is sleep. I want to rest my head against my keyboard and take a nap. I'll post pictures from my trip when I recover and things settle down a bit. We have an appointment today for my mom because we received some news and need to talk to the doctor. My sister is flying in today. I was in paradise a few days ago, but now that I am back, reality seems to creep it's way back in again.