I have a secret ... I haven't been completely truthful to my blog in the recent weeks. I've been up to something and have not shared it. I did not share it in the beginning because it would mean that others would be in on it ... scary! The big secret is I joined a gym. It is scary thing to do because to me it is a big commitment. One that is scary and overwhelming. It is admitting that I haven't taken care of myself, that I have made mistakes and would have to face those uncomfortable thoughts. I'm waking up from a 4 year fog of tears, stomach aches, head aches, chemotherapy, oncologist appointments, and all that came with losing one of the single most important person in my life, my mother. In recent years, I had no extra energy to work out and my thoughts were not about my self-improvement. I got lost in everything, but if someone else was going through what I did, I don't know what advice I would give them. I don't think there is a way of going through all of that and coming out in one piece.
I don't know why I have had such gym-aversion, but I've been working on that the past few weeks. Truthfully, it hasn't been so hard. I think I picked the right gym for me. The people seem very nice, normal, and the whole environment is very friendly and encouraging. I have even being going to work out before work (gasp!) Now that's commitment, right? Can I get a "Go girl?"
I decided it wouldn't be selfish of me to name this year "The Year of Me." It makes me feel empowered and have to remind myself that it is not selfish to name this year. I am almost 26 now and since I was 21 I dealt with my mom's terminal illness. I think it is okay to put myself first for a while and really focus on me. Even though I would make the same decisions looking back, I realize my early twenties are gone. I want to reclaim my health, happiness, and life. It is hard to be focused on one person for so long - and lose that person. I'm in this state of slow awakening, like a bear awaking from its hibernation and feeling sunshine on his face for the first time. I know time has passed, but I'm honestly quite confused about the whole thing.
I really hope that I can stick to my fitness regime and that "The Year of Me" brings lots of good fortune. I laugh to myself when I think about the Chinese Animal Zodiac - the dog, dragon, monkey, horse, pig, ox, rabbit, rat, rooster, sheep, snake and tiger, but where is ME? Haha - I know it is in there somewhere.
I know I will be happier for adopting a new lifestyle and the best part about it, I know that my biggest fan is still rooting for me to do well in this life.
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4 comments:
I am so proud of you....I am glad you know that it is now time to put your health first. You still have the other half of your 20's left, and you will be back to where you were at 21...I guarantee it. Keep your goals in sight at all times and remember that every bit of effort will pay off! You will be amazed how different you will look/feel at the beginning of 2009! Keep it up!
You go girl, Whitney! Waking up before work to work out? Now, that is impressive. Here's a happy workout song recommendation for you: "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. It always reminds me that no matter what aspirations I have to be a better version of myself, the people in my life really do like me the way I am. At the same time, it's such 'feel good' music that I do find myself feeling motivated to eat better, work out, keep in better touch with friends, etc. :) Here's to the "Year of You!" Cheers!
I think I'm sharing in your "Year of Me"... and I don't even have to change the title!
(It reminds me of the doll who said "mama" on Rugrats and the little Rugrat said, "That's my mom's name too!")
It's empowering to gain some control back over our lives. I think that's the best part about getting healthy. We are in control of making sure we get to the gym.
Love you Whit! Try a Bosu or spinning (kick-your-ass) class!
Totally my year too! :) Proud of you, keep it up! Totally impressed with going in before work.....I could NEVER do that and I don't have to be in until 8:45.
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