Woof. Let the best dog win.

Most of you were probably watching the Super Bowl last night…but I spent more time watching the Puppy Bowl. Yes, the ingenious show on Animal Planet. I’m thinking about writing a personal letter to the network asking for Puppy Bowl to create more episodes or at least go into syndication. I must mention that this is also coming out on DVD, which I think is a little strange. I might have to draw the line there. I hope one of you out there watched this. If not, you can check it out here. The deal is a bunch of dogs are released on a mini football field with tons of toys and other dogs. It’s basically the biggest puppy party on the planet. Big band music is played in the background and there is a mock audience in the background. Flashes of light make it appear that people in the stands are going crazy and taking lots of pictures…almost like the Opening Ceremony at the Olympics. There are cameras under the puppies’ water bowls, so when they take drinks we can see their cute faces up close. Sometimes the dogs go to the bathroom on the field and some guy walks out in a ref uniform and picks up the poop. I told you this show was amazing.

Halftime is called the kitty halftime show. Now you know I went crazy at this point. They released tons of kittens on the field and had this huge kitty toy apparatus that consisted of feathers, springs, tunnels, and flashy toys. The television looked like it was going in fast forward as the cats attacked one another and played 10 times faster than the speed of light.

My Favorite:
Barry

John's Favorite:
Badger

Puppy Bowl returned and every few minutes a new doggy was thrown in the mix, John and I chose our favorites and basically acted like they were seriously our dogs in real life. From what I hear, this might have been more exciting than the first half of the game. I think I could have had a perfect night watching Randal El running around the puppies. This show made my night, except when the dogs pooped on the field.

Uneventful Events

I haven't been feeling very well lately. I spent the last few days feeling miserable. I don't have much of any importance to write about, but I feel like writing. I'm just going to share some random thoughts and events that have happened in the past few days.

• I walked around all day with what I thought was a "scrunched sock" but when I came home and kicked off my shoes I actually had a little bag of who-knows-what, but it said something like Silicagel, throw away, do not eat...
• I crossed the street tonight with a fellow pedestrian and some really angry man wanted to run over me. Instead he decided to lay on his obnoxious horn that rattled my already hurting head. The fellow pedestrian snarled at him.
• I designed something at work that will actually be mailed out to over 10,000 doctors.
• I still cannot find anything to wear every single morning.
• It has been impossible to get out of bed lately. I wait until the very very very last second to roll out of bed.
• The lack of shower pressure the past week has really put a damper on my mornings.
• I better start seeing some good singers on American Idol.
• I started biting my nails again :(
• I think about getting a professional massage about 5 times a day.
• Nothing makes me happy like coming home and getting in my comfy cozies!
• Booters hasn't made it on http://stuffonmycat.com yet, but I still laugh at every cat.
  

I'm going to head back to the couch and try to nurse this never-ending headache.

No Pain, No Gain. (Is insane?)

Right now my triceps are aching and I can barely type. Please excuse me if me there are any typos, as my body is in too much pain to backspace. Daily things getting dressed and shopping have become agonizing. I am in pain because I worked out with a personal trainer Friday night. Yes, Friday night and now it is Sunday night and I am still whimpering. (But do you think my arms look buff?) I want to see some serious results from working out. If I don't have Madonna arms by the end of the week I am peacing out on this working out stuff. No one should go through this without seeing results asap. The Personal Trainer (we'll call her the PT) pushed me so hard, which I kinda wanted at the time, but not now. She said she didn't want to push me so hard that I would "hate working out" but so far I have not been positively reinforced by my decision to work out...unless I have Madonna arms by morning.

John decided to get fit with me too and worked out with his PT at the same time as me. He was definitely struggling and we will just leave it at that. A few times during my 60 minutes of the complete arse kicking session I bumped into him. We could barely talk or look one another in the eye. I didn't want him to see my arms shaking and he didn't want me to see shaky legs. We both bolted for the water fountain to try to get away from our PTs as much as we could. Just when I thought I was finished with an activity my PT would tell me to do 15 more. UGH. No, I won't, but I will punch you in the face 15 times. Somehow I would regain enough strength to do that. Or maybe pay one of the buff guys showing me up at the gym to give her a swift kick in the ass. I did everything she asked me to and I tried to do it as well as I could. I wanted to appear as a good worker-outer. At the end of the session, she asked "Are you done?" I didn't love the tone. I sensed her doubt in my athletic abilities. I didn't want to look like a loser, so I said BRING IT ON. WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE FOR THESE MUSCLES. I am sure my body was shaking as I said this, but whatever. We continued and I did squats and looked over at John "doing crunches" on a mat....aka laying down because he thought he was going to pass out. Fo real. The PTs were saying "Oh, once you start you are going to get addicted to this. You're going to love coming in everyday and working out." Everyone says this, but I don't trust these people. I think Creatine leaked into their brains. I'm going to try to suck it up and act like I'm "obsessed" and "addicted" to working out. Maybe I will actually convince myself that I am. I wish I could be. Then I could have Madonna arms. I am just using Madonna as an example of fitness, because actually her arms sometimes freak me out. But I would rather my arms be a little more Madonna-like than Whitney-like.

Today I got to get away with a lot because I am less sore than John. I thought I was going to be the wimp and be hurting more, but I'm happy it is the other way around. I was prepared to feel ultimately foolish after the session, but no words had to be exchanged. I knew he was hurting harder. Today I had enough energy to attack him and squeeze that muscle by his armpit when he was acting up today. I didn't do it much, but he knew he had nothing on me. Maybe I could get "addicted" if it continues to be this way :) I don't know how I can become "addicted" to this because as of right now, I am in no shape to be at the gym again. I'm gonna have to be on bed rest for a few days before I return. It would be nice if John and I staggered our ultimate body-shaking work outs so we can comfort one another. We were relaxing and both wanted massages, but both of us our too sore to even give a massage, so we just sat around in mutual pain.

Besides the whole "pain undertone" to the weekend, we enjoyed ourselves. We went to the St. Louis Auto Show and sat in awesome cars. John took pictures of engines and I got pictures in convertibles. Getting in and out of cars has never been so painful.

I better get to bed now. Gotta rest these muscles up for Round II.

Do the Two's (Part II)

I got tagged...

2 names I go by: Whitdogg, Whitters (Many more like: Whittlesnacks...)

2 things that scare me: Smelly sponges and that scary movie preview "Have you checked on the children?"

2 everyday essentials: Shower and attention from Gianni.

2 truths: I own the greatest pillow in the world and I can never find anything to wear in the morning.

2 lies: White chocolate is good and working out is fun.

2 of my favorite hobbies: Playing outside/swimming and traveling.

2 things you want REALLY BAD: Experience 94395382379432 cultures in the world and have my Mom cured of cancer (with everyone else that also suffers from it).

2 things that make me a "typical chick": I carry a pink waterbottle and use closing greetings like "toodles" and "ttfn"

2 favorite items in the house: My comfy Gap Body pants and photos

2 things that make me cry: Cancer and frustration

2 words I WISH I could use to describe myself: Philanthropist and UN Goodwill Ambassador

2 things I do poorly: Having a long attention span and leaving Target with only 1 thing.

2 changes I would like to see in the world: Peace and 3 day weekends made mandatory (holla Keenan).

2 words I have trouble saying/hearing: Emaciated (My mouth says emancipated, dont ask) and Rural (the rrrrrrrr's are hard)

2 people to tag: Misgiven Thoughts and DebbieNada
You're it!

My Top 10 Reasons Every Weekend Should be a Three Day Weekend

10. 5 days on and 2 days off? Are you crazy? Who decided this? They need to be tarred and feathered.

9. I can’t get everything done that I need to during the 2 day weekend.

8. US citizens will be happier; purchase more products (more time to shop), thus causing the economy to become better. (This is not a stretch)

7. I promise to truly appreciate the whole weekend, never sacrificing the extra day, like I used to do in college. (Scheduling no classes on Friday does not mean you will be extra productive with your studies that day)

6. I never get to watch Oprah anymore.

5. Time with friends and family always goes by too quickly on a weekend

4. Workers will be more productive knowing they only have a 4 day week.

3. The extra day can be a required “Funday” (the day after Sunday) Citizens must go bike riding, to the beach, play frisbee, play endless bocce ball, and only engage in Funday activities.

2. There will be no more Mondays or “Sunday night blues”, just Fundays.

1. Because I want it that way and we need to do as the Europeans--chill out, and enjoy our free time…take 7 week vacations. I think the 3-Day weekend is a good place to start.

Ok, we can start this revolution if we all don’t show on Monday. If we don’t show up to work, others won’t and it will be like in high school when half the class went on the field trip, the other half didn’t do anything because the teachers didn’t want to teach less than half the class. Catch my drift? I think this can work. Start planning the first ever Funday. The weekend starts in 2 days! I think this is a good place to start. From here will fight for a 3 day work week with 4 days of fun.

The Grocery Bore

The grocery store exhausts me. Usually when I walk in I have high expectations and I usually walk out feeling like I got nothing and discouraged. I know this sounds strange, but I don't really know what to buy at the grocery store. I don't really know how to plan for the whole week and buy things that will make my food fresh and tasty. Since I'm a veggie, I have to count all the meat out too. I buy lots of fruit and vegetables, but I get lost in the rest of the aisles. I can never remember everything I need, but I rarely write a list. I wander aimlessly through the aisles and bounce back and forth from aisle ten and the produce, always forgetting something in between. Since I bounce all around the grocery store, I keep running into the same people. I feel like people think I am stalking them or something. Either you start at the same aisle as another person and they become your silent grocery partner, always fumbling to get past one another and awkwardly grabbing something as you say "Excuse me" for the 4th time or you jot around the all the aisles like a frantic shopper. It seems like there is always a family that is really loud and the kids just scream and roam looking for chocolate cream puffs. I try to avoid these people in the aisles, but they always seem to catch up with me. The kids scream, the mom screams, the kid cries, the mom screams some more. AHH.

After work my concentration is pretty much shot, so I just stand there staring at the soup, bread, and veggie prices...unable to make a decision. Is this just me, or do others experience this? I feel like I really need to learn about some good recipes and get some variation into my cooking. Is this something that gets better with time?

Just wondering if others feel like they just leave the store with snacks and nothing to eat? Usually when I come home I still have no idea what to cook. I guess this is part of growing up, learning how to plan meals for days at a time. I need help. Please share your easy recipes and advice on how to make this adult grocery transition.

P.S. I trashed the David Brent video...I thought it was time. Now you don't have to panic as you try to turn down your speakers at work.

Home Sweet Home

On Friday night John and I drove home to surprise my parents for the weekend. I made up a little fib that my friend was coming over to borrow something, so they wouldn't be alarmed when we strolled in. Half way there John voiced his concern of my Dad having a heart attack while sitting at the kitchen table (a usually hang out) when we walked in. We decided we did not want to scare them, so that's where the little fib came in. Anyway, we walked in and my Dad wasn't at his usual kitchen table hang out, but sitting on an ottoman in the family room watching "The Last of Mohicans." Isn't the most cheerful movie, so maybe that is why his voice did not sound very convincing when he said on a scale between 1-10 of how surprised he was to see us, he said 10. My mom was already sleeping, but I woke her up and she was so happy to hear my voice and very confused. We both were so happy and talked about how it was going to be a great weekend.

Saturday we watched IU beat Purdue. I'm not going to gleam and gloat because IU did not play well. Although we did pull off the win, our team was whack. Anyone else see the game? I shouted a lot of things at the TV and it was pure agony to see IU play neck and neck with Purdue for a bit. The Hoosiers came to their senses and started to play basketball and we took the win. Seemed like really sloppy basketball and John and I both said we were glad the game wasn't on ESPN because we didn't want the channel surfers to watch. We ran some errands (got my mom a Verizon cell phone--finally free minutes! Free at last!) and got some dinner. We chowed down at Scotty's and John and I felt reminiscent about the good 'ol days at IU. In particular the Upland Wheat and that one time I won a $60 gift certificate at Scotty's and we stuffed ourselves sick like we hadn't seen food in weeks.

Our free time was spent playing Scrabble Deluxe Edition non-stop. The board is actually on a lazy susan and glides effortlessly to each player. John dominated words like envoy and zip....anyone who knows Scrabble knows how dangerous these words can become on "triple word" or "double letter." My Mom tried to be sneaky and wrote words like "dipit" and "kud" and tried to explain why they should be words.

I wish the weekend could have been one day longer, but I'm sure I would still say that even if it was. It was great to be home and enjoy all the comforts it brings. I liked feeling the the warmth of the fireplace all day , driving the kitties crazy with the cat laser, enjoying some home cookin', and playing fun board games. Hope all of you got a taste of the things that make your life sweet this weekend.

I need to dedicate this blog to my new favorite movie: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. When I think of Fridays I like to think of happy things. I thought we might need this to get through the last day of the week.

I'm not sure why I adore this movie so much, maybe it has something to do with kids stuffing candy in their faces and those adorable squirrels. (I want one real bad) But this movie teaches good lessons too; don't be greedy, snotty, unenthused, and buy lots of chocolate...you never know what you might find. Hope this helps your Friday go a little quicker. Let's all hope that oompa loompas show up to do our work. Since they get paid with cocoa, I'm gonna take a candy bar to work just in case. In the meantime, I will be playing this wonka games non-stop.



See, look at them work away!










Uhh...this isn't Willy Wonka. Maybe this is what he looked like when the creeps stole his recipes?



















Ahh, much better.














Hope you get to do a lot of relaxing this weekend. I think the Oompa Loompa looks like he came straight out of a "Nuni" skit from SNL. Love it. Happy Friday & Weekend! :)

Idol

I love American Idol and I cannot wait for it to begin and be a part of my normal life again. It actually takes over life for a bit and I don't even remember when because I was so engrossed it did not even matter. I even have a special dance I do to celebrate it being on. I only perform it during the theme song/commercial breaks. I mimic the blue glowing figure that raises its arms with the microphone, but make it into a dance. Anyone that has seen this with me knows what I am talking about.

I must admit I did not watch the first 2 seasons. The 1st season was on when I lived in Alpha Phi and we did not get television in our rooms, so I never watched any television during those years. The 2nd was when I was studying abroad, but I remember people gathering in my kitchen when I came home to watch who won. I remember people talking about the show and frantically trying to vote and I had no idea what it was about. They would ask me if I watched and I would say "no" and our conversation had to end. No one wanted to talk to someone who knew nothing about American Idol. I was shunned and had this attitude, "So what? I don't watch. I don't know what you are talking about." Now I want to give people a swift kick in the ass when they shoot me that look. That sh*t ain't gonna fly with me.

Last year was my first full run of the show. I shed so many tears--of laughter. I ti-voed all the episodes and would watch the hilarious ones over and over. Friends would come from far and near to catch up on them and laugh with me. C'mon, the guy dressed all in purple who sang The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow, the patriotic medley, Mary Gilbeaux...these were all freakin hilarious. I cannot wait for more. The one thing I don't get is the massive amount of people that try out in all seriousness and have the personality of a dead moth and the talent to match. Who are these people? I never knew there was so many people that "practiced" songs for years and really thought American Idol would be their ticket to Hollywood. I don't understand them, but I like to sit on my couch and watch them. (Except those who are fakers. Those people aren't funny.)

A few weeks into the show there are no more laughs (unless Fedorov makes another appearance in his tight slacks and moves his body in ways that make me feel uncomfortable). This is the time to be serious and call upon your expert ears. I become a full out talent scout...such a natural and I have no true experience. I use words like "pitchy" and “mediocre". I decide who is having an "off" night and critique their music selection. It is also a sad time because I have my favorites, but it is still sad to see people's dreams get crushed. Then I always tell myself "Well, at least they got tons of exposure and people say the American Idol contracts are really restricting." That's how I deal with it every time.

I hope this season is amazing and I cannot wait to hone my critiquing skills--as I am sure millions of Americans will do as well. I might have to update my dance though, since it is totally last season. I will have to see what the glowing blue guy does this year. I really wish I could warm-up every night with some karaoke revolution. Hope you enjoy this season as well--tune in on Tuesday night. My boss mentioned we might have a "late night" on Tuesday and I think my inner Abdul almost cried. I will have it set up to record just in case I do miss it. If anything crazy happens this season, I'm sure I will write about it. Stay tuned and in true American Idol form, I must say--Slocum out.

Belated Holiday Cheer

I have uploaded my photos--check 'em out

Whit (sh*t) out of Luck: Whitney and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

7:53am Thursday started out as a pretty normal day. It wasn't a great day because I had been sick for about a week...but I felt like Thursday was looking up for me, I thought I was feeling better than I had in days. I went to work as usual and headed home in the evening. John left for his drive down to FL, so I was alone. On the way out that morning I decided to take the extra precaution and lock the normal lock and the deadbolt on my way out. I had no idea what an impact this decision was going to make on my next 24 hrs.

5:45pm I arrived with hands full of things and put the key in the bottom lock--unlock. Stuck the key in the deadbolt lock--cannot unlock. I was chatting on the phone with John and I started getting really frustrated because the key went in...and to the right to "lock" the door again...but would not go to the right. I wiggled, jiggled, slammed the door, and created a callous on my precious little finger as I tried to turn the key so hard.

5:52 I slammed my body into the door and then got down to the lock and really concentrated on unlocking it slowly. I had the precision of a domino-setter-upper. I moved slowly and my body moved in the direction I needed the key to go.

5:58 Gave up. Screaming and I'm sure cursing, I went to the apartments below me. I knew two guys lived down there and as much as I hate to say it--maybe I just needed a dude to use his muscles to turn the key really hard. It was cold outside and I had been out for quite a few minutes with no gloves, so my hands hurt so bad when I knocked hard on both of the guy's doors. No one home.

6:03 I get in my car in the creepy crawly dark alley and call John. We agree I need to call the property management. I call 411 (twice-ugh, pricey) and finally get talk to the emergency maintenance guy, Scott. We chat, I tell him my dilemma. I feel like I am going to be saved. Boy was I wrong.

6:24 Scott calls me. I'm not on the lease. (Yeah, I know--but friggin' come unlock the top lock!) He says he does not know if he can do it because John isn't there. GRRRRR.

6:47 Scott calls. Can't let me in. I beg and say I will give you all his information and it will match his on his lease papers. He gives me some scenario that someone could have John's phone and all his info and I could be the poser-girlfriend who helps hold the door as we steal the real John's huge TV. He didn't get that detailed, but I could tell where he was going with it.

7:01 I move from the creepy crawly dark alley to a more public parking lot. I call Scott and give him random info about John (with Johnny's permission of course). He says he will call his boss and see.

7:10 No freakin' go. He won't do it. Says he boss won't let him. (I want to say, screw "the man" and let me in!) I start to break down. He says "Can't you go to his work and get his key?" I say no and that he will be gone for a bit. (I remain vague on John's whereabouts--I don't want to get kidnapped on top of being locked outt!!!) Soon after I have to tell him he is not coming back until Sunday. I am totally screwed. . John tried to do that in Chattanooga, but they said it was too late and they don’t overnight things on Saturdays. I tell Scott I have nowhere else to go. No Family close. He says maybe John and overnight you his key. Yeah, John and I already tried that option. John already tried while driving through Chattanooga. It was too late in the day and they don't overnight things to arrive on Saturday. Screwed.

7:30 My bladder was growing weak and my mind delirious. I was very tired, feeling sick, and not happy. I frantically called Jenny {holla!!}, my Alpha Phi friend in St. Louis and left a msg. She did not pick up. John convinces me she is out of town and I almost believe him. Then I realized we emailed and had plans to watch the IU game on Saturday---she couldn't be out of town, could she? My mind wandered even more and I started to feel more panicky. I was homeless, boyfriendless & friendless. John tells me I should just punch out the window and unlock the door. I rethink this request. I would get in, but then anyone could.

7:43 I talk to my Dad and he suggests just asking Scott to unlock the top lock, get paid by me, and walking away. He doesn't have to unlock both locks. I like what my Dad is thinking and I am pretty much desperate so I call Scott and say "Heeey....why don't you just unlock the top--and we call it night." He called his boss again...and I was left waiting in the dark in car.

7:50 I decide to go to Panera to use the Ladies’ room and maybe get a bite to eat. It's about 1 block from the apartment, so frustrating that I can't eat the food I just bought from the grocery store the day before. While in the bathroom I wash my hands in the sink, not knowing the next place I will be able to go the bathroom. I contemplate taking a paper towel bath. I had flashbacks of backpacking in Europe and washing my face and getting ready for the day in random public bathrooms. It was kinda like that in Panera, but without the whole backpack of belongings and desirible destinations. Places close soon and I thought about finding a nice waterhole to hang out at until 'bout 3am.

8:00 Get my final "no" from Scott. He apologizes and stresses he has done everything he can do. Argh--I want him to do what I want him to do, but that's not in the cards. He says his “hands are tied” and I pretty much did everything short of selling my body, so I give up. I get in touch with Jenny and decide to stay there, not knowing when I will ever return to the apartment. I could possibly spend the whole wkd in the same clothes and uncomfortable brown shoes from work. I spilled tomato soup on my pants at lunch and I would have to live with that mistake allll weekend. I decide to head to Target to pick up the necessities.

8:20pm I decide I need to get a shirt for work and maybe I can pull off the tomato soup stained brown paints and uncomfy shoes the next day. I hit up the 99 cent aisle for some soap, facewash, travel toothbrush, etc. As I moved towards the clothing, I tried to look for the good in the situation; I pat myself on the back for wearing brown pants--"Such a neutral color Whitney," I tell myself. "I can buy anything that will work with it—so many options." But with the night I was having, I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. I walk to the women's department and the floor is flooded with bikinis, tankinis, cute little cover-ups, and every other piece of clothing one would wear on the beach. Not only am I stressed because of my night, I become stressed to get ready for swimsuit season. Wtf-It is JANUARY 5th--I need a sweater. (I must admit that the swimsuits were all really cute. Very nice prints)

8:27 Am I approached by a fellow shopper carrying this really cute jacket. She walks up to me and says "This is a really cute jacket, maybe you would like it & it is on clearance." Wow-did something good just happen to me? She continued, "I am a Mom and I thought that this gray cardigan would be more practical for me, so maybe you want this cute jacket." (Don't worry, I got it even cheaper than what is posted on Target.com-Ha) All of the sudden I have a personal stylist at Target and we start talking about shirts that can go under the jacket and things start to look up for me. I just got a white tee to put under it, I needed cheap stuff. I walked past the accessories section and saw the cutest necklace. I convinced myself that I could get it because of the emotional drama I had been through. Also, I thought the necklace could serve to be a great decoy. It would maybe catch people's attention and they wouldn’t realize that I am basically wearing the same outfit as the day before, but with a different jacket. Yeah, the necklace with trick them. They won’t be able to keep their eyes off of it. No one will see the tomato stain. I checked the outfit out in the mirror. All I had to do was hold up the jacket and necklace and I knew what I would look like in the morning.

8:45 Grab my last minute buys, some PJs, socks, and undies. I didn't know how many to get, so I just stuck to a nice little 3 pack--I wanted to stay on the positive side of things.

9:00 Exhausted by the past 3 hrs of being homeless, I arrive at Jenny's with all my belongings in the Target bag. I feel like a transient. My phone dies and I have no charger. I change in my new jammies and try to relax for a bit. I play with Zach Morris, Jenny's kitty, and he bites me. We were both exhausted and decide to crash.

**Update**

Even with all the awful circumstances, today wasn't horrible. But I was really exhausted all day because I didn't get the best sleep because it was hard to fully relax and not be worried that I could be locked out for days on end. I wore my cute new jacket and the necklace decoy. I'm not sure if the necklace really fulfilled its purpose by attempting to make my outfit look different, but at least I have a cute necklace now. John called his contact at the property management place and I got a key Friday afternoon--that worked. I guess Wal-Mart made a faulty key copy that only locks doors, not unlocks them. Scott called me to apologize and probably make sure I didn't spend the night in the park, befriending the pigeons. He also said the 2 guys that live below John work for the property manager and they could probably help me. He also offered to help me if anything more happened because I guess I passed the "I’m not going to steal the tenant's TV" test.

Anyway, I don't know what the moral of this story is. I'm sure there are many other details I have left out, but I was delerious then and I'm delerious now. Maybe it's wear cute pants that you like everyday because you might have to wear the same outfit again. Or wear something neutral that you can easily find something to match. Or keep a flashy accessory in your glove box to distract the fashion police. Maybe just don't spill tomato soup-it will come back to haunt you. Or pack enough make-up in your purse that you will be happy with it stranded. I was happy to find some powder and lip gloss. Having a friend to call to help you out. These little joys that I took for granted on a daily basis became the things that helped me get by. Have a wonderful weekend and appreciate locking and unlocking your doors.

Just be fully prepared for anything. If this doesn't scare you, I don't know what will. Go raid the 99 cent aisle, pack some undies, and keep a secret stash of emergency everything in your trunk.

*A few pictures links have been dramatized for effect.

Out With the Old & In With the New

Hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and got to spend time with friends and family. I am happy because I got to do both! It was long overdue, but it was great to spend time with everyone. Our home was a madhouse. I returned home first and my Mom and I picked up my Grandma, my Aunt Marilyn, Aunt Jackie, and cousin Bryant. We had a great time catching up and enjoying the fact that we could all be in the same room at once! Then Kyleigh and Courtney arrived home the next day because we need to max out the house with 9 people and 5 cats. At times I thought I was teleported into the Griswold's Christmas Vacation.

Clark: "The Griswold family Christmas tree."

Ellen: "Isn't it a little big?"
Clark: "It's not big. It's just full."
Russ: "Dad, that thing wouldn't fit in our yard."
Clark: "It's not going in our yard Russ. It's going in our living room."

I just had to throw in a quote. I had a full 360 moment of Christmas Vacation when Ky caught Bella May chowing down on the turkey. At least it was a few days after Christmas and no one asked any questions when Kyleigh said there wasn't any left. Haha. Anyway, we had delicious meals (thanks Ky!) and great company. We got family pictures done and it was a pretty funny sight to see. The photographer made my sisters and I all lay stacked on top of one another and basically took a headshot of it. It was sooo funny to do that in the mall (oh wait, did I mention we were in the mall? Every normal photo studio was closed for the holidays, so we hit up the Picture Place), we busted into tears from laughing so hard. They had to give us tissues to wipe our tears, but no one passed me one (maybe because I was up so high on the stack of sisters???), but luckily my tears of laughter did not show up in the picture. We got some wallets of it--I'm currently taking orders.

New Years was just the other night and I had a great time ringing in the New Year. Tiffany came to St. Louis to celebrate; it was great showing her the city! We went out with friends and shared too many pitchers of beer. Ugh. I'm having flashbacks of "the mystery beer", shouting "No one's gonna stop this party train" to Keenan on the phone, and Tiffany and John coming upstairs after getting in a scuffle. Tiff was protecting John from getting burnt by a cigarette, but instead she got yelled at and John got all puffed up and everything..all ready to fight. Glad nothing came of that situation. Good 'ole New Years...ahh. Anyway, cigarette man moved on and the bar closed down on us. I caught word that fellow patrons were fighting over our left over beer on the table. We left the bar and John was convinced some poor girl was in trouble on the sidewalk, but she was with her friends and a little under the weather. We told him she was fine, but he wouldn't stop worrying. Something clicked and he realized she was okay and I have the before and after pictures to help paint the picture for you.




























Upon returning to the apartment, Tiff and I broke into a Mardi Gras- sunglass-wearing-jig. We ate handfulls of M&Ms and craved pizza to no avail. Hope your Holidays and New Years were filled with Griswold moments, perfect gifts that forced you into complete shock, funny flashbacks, crazy family pictures, and lots of M&Ms!

Groundhogsnacks

The Holidays and winter make me want to do this too. But something tells me I wouldn't be adorable like this chunky groundhog.

The Christmas Story (without tongues sticking to frozen poles)

I am assuming this when I say that most of my friends look back on their first holiday memories with smiles on their faces. I know that people are frantically running around trying to perfect the holiday celebrations. (Some even fear they might ruin Christmas. Take it from me, I have ruined Christmas before and it's not a walk in the park.) Sadly, a few of mine were filled with frustration and angst. These feelings have nothing to do with gifts, the weather, or not embracing the Christmas spirit. They had to do with awful traditions that my sisters created that singled me out and forced me not to be able to celebrate Christmas in the ways they did. For some reason I was different. Maybe it was because I got up at 5am rearing to go--or unlike Kyleigh, I didn't look in every possible nook and cranny for our gifts--and then shout who was receiving what. (Ky was a spoiler-but she has come a long way) The reindeer could fly, Santa could travel worldwide...and I had a mystical power too. I was unaware that I was given the biggest holiday power of all--I had the ability to ruin Christmas. No, I wasn't a green monster and I didn't go by the name Grinch. I was just a happy little kid excited for Christmas morning.

The climax of this story begins while I am in bed on Christmas Eve. I was probably around 6,7,8 (c'mon family--help me out??) and I was listening to Kyleigh and Courtney chuckle in Ky's room. I knew they were playing late night games or something as equally exciting to me. They were making noise and I knew I could tip toe in there without my parents knowing I was up. Years prior Courtney got to sleep in Kyleigh's room on Christmas Eve. This was a huge deal because my parents knew that whenever any of us would sleep in Kyleigh's bed we were rowdy and were up until the wee hours of the night..aka 11:45 for kids. We made up games, cast shadows on the wall, played "look-a-round" (our own version of Where's Waldo, only with objects in Kyleigh's room), and basically could not have a better time.

This was before we had TVs, stereos, or phones in our rooms. It was just good old fun. Well, "This Christmas Eve is going to be different," I told myself as I was cradeling my bear Lucky in my arms while in bed. I was determined to be incluced this year. I felt I was old enough to be a part of their tradition--a hard feat the youngest of three to try to overcome. It was me against them--or at least until I could join them. What were these traditions discriminated against poor little me, you ask? Well, as I stated before, Christmas Eve was a holiday spent between Courtney and Kyleigh while I lay alone in my bed. (Seriously Mom & Dad--all I can ask is why?? A part of me understands because I soon learned how ruthless and serious Courtney was about these traditions.) Christmas morning I was discluded too. I was not allowed to go downstairs without waking up Kyleigh and Courtney first, which I understand...so we could run downstairs all look at the wrapped presents. But this ended up working against me. After my wake up calls, I was told to wait at the top of the stairs. Usually we had Christmas in the family room, which was out of sight from the stairs. I was told to wait at the top, like a little pet, until I was called for. Courtney and Kyleigh would race downstairs and sprint into the family room. I would hear their screams and shreiks of laughter. I could hear them rummaging through things and making comments about the presents everywhere and I would try to imagine what their words meant. That's all I had. My wild imagination until they called for me. It seemed like hours until I would hear, "Whitney you can come down!" I raced downstairs and would run into the family room trying to mentally digest all the presents under the tree. Ky and Court would kinda give me a look like, "Yeah, we saw everything before you." Like it was my fault that I wasn't down there with them. Then we would go wake up my parents and open up all the presents together.

I guess there was a secret conduct that I betrayed when I decided I was going to control my Christmas fate that year. As I lay in bed, I wanted to belong. I wanted to have fun and not be included with the tradition or 5 minutes behind. I lept out of bed and ran into Kyleigh's room. I was going to belong. No one was going to stop me. Immediately when I walked in I was shunned. I don't really remember Kyleigh doing much of it because Courtney was the ringleader. She called the shots and Ky had the good of the stick, so why would she cause a fuss? I was on my own and I was not going to lose. This year was going to be different I told myself. Courtney started yelling at me and told me that I was ruining a tradition and I needed to just go to my bed. Kyleigh and her had to sleep together. I started to cry because I realized I was losing ground. I couldn't change this tradition. I was not supposed to be included. My parents started to hear all the ruckus and mom my came down the hall. At this point I had no idea what she would say. My sisters told me I wasn't included and in my little world I could see my mom saying, "Whitney, it is tradition. Go to your bed." But it wasn't! I had someone who understood me and finally a whistle was being blown on Ky and Court! Muhaha. I knew I was gaining more power and as I remember, Ky gave up pretty easy. She invited me with open arms, but Courtney held on to the tradition. My mom said that I had to be included this year. I was actually joining the big sleepover! I couldn't help but smirk knowing that no matter what Courtney said, she wasn't going to change the outcome this year. I was no longer under her rule. I vividly remember Courtney screaming at me, "I can't believe you are doing this...if you are in, then I am out." Like I was the plague coming to infect them all. She continued to be frustrated and I think we all shed tears. Courtney was losing her power, I was ruining traditions, and Kyleigh cried whenever anyone fought. None of this really mattered because I was joining the sleepover. I would never forget the moment after Courtney realized it was over. She turned to me with hate-filled eyes and said, "I can't believe you ruined Christmas." I think I tried to retract my plea to join the sleepover because I didnt want to ruin Christmas. But she said it was over, I already did it. I ruined Christmas and everyone hated me. Courtney stomped off to her room and I looked at Ky. I knew I ruined Christmas and that became the year everything changed.

I could run downstairs with everyone and I was considered and equal, but for a while I had to live with the fact that I truly ruined Christmas. Everyone (aka my sisters) was mad at me, but I am glad that now this is one of our funniest stories. Who knows what would happen if I didn't barge into the infamous sleepover? Would Ky and Court still stay up all night without me? Would I be waiting at the top of the stairs until they called my name? I guess we will never know. After I got over Courtney's harsh words and realized that I can't ruin Christmas, I thought of myself as a trailblazer of sorts. I went against the grain and sought justice. Courtney was mad at me for a long time, but we got over it. We have a new tradition now. We celebrate as a family, the way it should be...Christmas can never be ruined if we are all together. While together, we have laughter and a funny Christmas tradition story share.

Wham Bam...

What am I thankful for?

My family, my friends, my Gianni, my health, 75 degree days, medical advancements, warm soft blankets, my kitties, the ability to travel, my education, warm baths, crunchy leaves, pools, good movies, soft socks, my pillow, good meals, the roof over my head, blogs, photos, dancing, laughing 'til it hurts, email, phone calls from old friends, snail mail, music...the list goes on! Even though it is getting colder and colder outside...my heart stays warm because of people like you. Thank you for your friendship--none of these things would matter without all of you. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving.

Guinness Book of World Records and its Impact on My Life

I love World Records. That's all there is to it. I does not matter what the record is, I am in total and utter awe of these record holders. It fascinates me to no end. Why do I care about a man with the longest ear hair or some other strange mutation? I have no idea. All I know is that I love it. Can't. Ever. Get. Enough. Even as a kid I would sit up all night turning page after page in my Guinness Book of World Records books. I must say, the book lacked in the photo department. Maybe it was just because I was a kid, but the only ones that made a true impact on me were those that had a photo attached to the record. I love to analyze each picture and just imagine myself living in the world's largest limo with a pool and helicopter landing base. We need more pictures Guinness writers! This book was such a quick read and totally supported my ADD lifestyle. I could just read little snippets about strange people and worldly things. There was a good period of time that my Mom would just automatically buy me the new one that came out annually and I loved knowing that I had my 5 inch thick record books all lined up nicely in my bed stand bookshelf for easy retrieval. (Just the thought of this today brings a smile to my face) These books have even played a part in my adult relationships. John and I have had quite a few laughs about some records that we remembered as children.

I am sad that I put this interest on the back burner. I have no idea what took its place. Growing up? Homework? Late night phone calls? I am also kinda ticked that since I haven't been a loyal purchaser of these books in the recent years that they will not be stacked nicely in my bed stand. If I start buying again, I will have this huge gap of years in my collection. Gap of information. Gap of necessary facts for my life.

I've been browsing the website and it is quite enjoyable. It's a lot more interactive than the book--kinda like a modern version of my books. The crazy-long-haired-ear-man even provided a quote to react to his record. Radhakant Bajpai, yes that is his name and he is from India, stated:

Making it to Guinness World Records is indeed a special occasion for me and my family. God has been very kind to me.

Globalization is crazy. I personally know that a guy in India has the longest ear hair and how he feels blessed. I wish the records website was a little more accommodating and would allow me to copy pictures so I could easily share my research--especially because I just came across something totally freaky. I don't want to ostracize these people, but I am totally shocked. I just clicked on Human Body, then Body Beautiful, then get ready--Hairiest Family. Please go check out this picture. It's gotta be Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf. The article says 98% of their body is covered in hair and they suffer from hypertrichosis or "werewolf syndrome." It's been carried through the generations. Wow. I feel a lot different now about my eyebrow waxing.

I gotta at least write about one more. Largest Dog Show. (I need the SNL clappers) This picture makes my sides hurt. How could this dog win a real dog show? It looks like the funniest dog, but I don't know about the best. Anyway, this dog, "Danny", beat out almost 23,000 competitiors! Lotta dogs. I wonder if the qualifications are to win. A striking resemblence to a dog that looks like it has been electrocuted? Crazy mouth area that you can't quite make out? And finally a requirement of 97% fur, 2% fang/tongue, and 1% dog? Eventhough I include one here, you must go look at Danny's picture on the website. (Damn this site, it doesn't change its web address within the webpage so follow these instructions: Natural World, Fantastic Pets, and Largest Dog Show.

Okay, that was a short record--let's do another. (See how fun it is? I wanna curl up in bed with the computer monitor in my lap or run out to a 24 hrs Borders and buy the latest and greatest copy) Oooh...I found another good one. Farthest Human Cannonball Flight. Yes, human. David "Cannonball" Smith launched himself over 185 ft at speeds of 70 mph. Sheesh. (Seriously-what does one think when he is flying? "Oh shit, where can I land?" I don't think I would enjoy being a human cannonball unless I had a huge parachute to catch me-and they make no mention to how the land. Maybe that is why "Cannonball" does not have a comment to make about his record) This cuckoo has 8 children, 5 of which also explore cannonball opportunities. I did a little web search on this and found out more about the family of flyers. The day "Cannonball" made this record, him and his son, Dave "The Bullet," simutaneously launched themselves in the air. Cannonball landed a littler further from The Bullet and broke the record. Hmm.

So I just need to do something totally crazy and original and try to make my way into the record books and join this elite club of crazy people and worldly things. I drove a Ford Tempo that was totalled twice from the '80s, can pop my hip out, I could lick stamps and envelopes for days, and people say I have strange ear lobes, but I don't think either are extreme enough to be published. Guess I will have to settle for being ordinary in a world full of record makers and breakers. Yeah...I'll just stick to that story because when I figure out what my record could be, I'm not going to tell anyone so it can't be stolen. It will debut in Guinness Book of World Records 2022--and I am demanding a picture.

Klein out of Line

I have to update from my TomKitten blog...I came across this ridiculous article about "Kate's" ex, Chris Klein. Basically, this guy's remarks make anyone look good (maybe even Tom). One brilliant quote I extracted is:

I try to treat all women with respect whether they're pretty or ugly. I want to be nice and be like, 'Wow, thanks for the attention. But get out of my face.'

Read on only if you think your computer monitor can survive the beating.

I Need A Laugh, Maybe You Do Too

Kyleigh's Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard

It's only been a few days and I miss Tasha & Kyleigh so bad! It was great to seem them & be together for a few days. We had a lot of laughs, "Just try it on" (a Spanglish quote that requires the accent), celebrated Tasha's Birthday, and spent a lot of quality time together. I hate that a few of my best friends live across the country--how did that happen? When I start bringing home some bucks, I will be sure to be booking some flights!



Okay, Kyleigh requested that she become a blog topic because she looks fabulous, but there was no need for her to request this because I willingly want to share how amazing she looks! I was shocked when I first saw her last weekend & it took me a few days to get used to it. Tasha and I cried and just stood there when we saw her and Ky said, "Well, aren't you gonna hug me?" I was in shock & I am sure when I see her at Christmas I will feel the same again! I am so happy for her & she looks amazing. She looks so young and freakin cute. One the first things she did was march into my room and scan it for some cute clothes to stuff in her suitcase. (I drew the line there!) I tried one of her shakes that she drinks & I thought it was pretty gross. Each time she made one, I still asked for a sip and I'm not sure why. Maybe it could work some magic on me? Kyleigh really likes them, so I think she is brainwashed...but that is good because she has to drink them all the time! I am so happy that she has such a support network as she makes this lifestyle change. She told me that when she lost 60 pounds all the staff at her school wore Hawaiian Leis to celebrate her feat! That makes me so happy that I could cry again...














Thanks for all the well wishes for my interview. For the most part it went well. When I arrived they informed that I had about 25 mins to give my presentation and chat before they had to leave to make a conference call. I was told I would had a flexible amount of time between 45mins-1hr, so that pretty much made me sweat bullets. I felt like the whole thing was in fast forward. I must have been moving pretty fast getting before my presentation because I returned home only to learn my skirt was on backwards. Yeah....awesome.

sowwy

Don't fret, I am alive. Some people have voiced their concerns about my lack of blogging and I apologize. I have just been really busy lately & I will try to catch you up (hopefully on more than TomKitten) in a few days! I had a wonderful long weekend with Kyleigh and Tasha and I am so sad that they are gone now. I will write about it later this week when I have more time...it makes me too sad to know they aren't here right now. :(

P.S. C-ville internet sucks and is not conducive to blogging.