A Breath of Fresh Air

You hungry for a little snack?















I’m sorry I have been really out of the loop lately. I tried to appease my starved-whittlesnack- site-readers with a few entertaining blogs, but I know they have been pretty lame. I’m going to try to be better because I do really enjoy keeping a blog, but lately the only thing on my mind has been my Mom’s cancer and it is really hard for me to try to think or write about much else. The last thing I want to do is write about it, but I struggle wanting to write about anything else because other things seem so unimportant in comparison. I am trying to find a balance…but right when I start feeling like I am doing okay, I feel like my feet get knocked out from under me. This whole situation has really changed the way I see life, good and bad I guess. Some days it motivates me to push harder to have good days and make the most out each moment, but other days I feel like I just want to cry because it seems so unfair and painful for my family. It is tough to realize that this is my new reality. I guess death and sickness in the family has always been “a reality” but I never saw it coming. In the grand scheme of things, we are only guaranteed so much. I think our mortal minds have trouble with these thoughts.

Anyway, the whole point of this blog is to explain the breath of fresh air I feel right now. I've had a wonderful weekend with John and a few friends. I spent most of the weekend outside, which is the best thing about Spring. We visited the botanical garden, which is currently accented by Chihuly’s glass art. I think blown glass is beautiful, so I ate this all up. Chihuly was also displayed at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, so I saw his work there too. We spent the evening playing Guesstures and Cranium and Lindsay and I kicked some serious tail. To this date, the boys have never beat us at game night! :) Today we went bike shopping and John picked out a sweet ride. Reminds me of being a kid again – spending time outside, bikes, games…all the simple and wonderful things that made each day full of adventure.

Just like I said before, right when I feel like I gain some stable ground, my feet get knocked out from under me. I was just going to end the “happy” blog here, but I’m not going to. My friend just IM-ed me as I’ve been writing. He lost his Mother to cancer last summer and talking to him just stopped me in my tracks. He’s letting me know to spend as much time as I can with my Mom because he didn’t realize the severity of his Mother’s situation. He and I have something in common that I wish we didn’t; I don’t want to share this fate. These little reality checks really hit me hard. I felt like 5 minutes ago I was doing okay, but now I don’t know. Little things like this pop in when I am having a good day that remind me of what I don’t want to be reminded of. Most of them catch me off guard, like cancer commercials or overhearing someone’s conversation about something of the nature. Or when I went to see “The Family Stone” and thought it would be a cute Sarah Jessica Parker movie. It’s not. They don’t show you in the previews that it is actually really sad and the Mother in the movie dies of cancer. I felt tricked, I came to the movie to laugh and enjoy myself, not watch a family react to their mother’s diagnosis and death. It took everything in me not to just get up and leave the theater. This is my daily battle – and a battle soo many people experience. A battle I wish I wasn’t forced to face against my will. As I sat in the airport waiting for my delayed flight in Dallas, I met a woman who lost her Mother to colon cancer. I have to wonder if it was meant to be that we met. I will probably never see her again and I don’t remember her name. But her sincerity and compassion was so nice to receive. I can’t really explain it. It’s almost like little spurts of strength and hope surround me at times. She said she would pray for my Mom and I thanked her. It is amazing what saying hello at the airport can do for you. I was thinking about changing the title of my blog, but I’m not going to. I have ups and downs and that is the name of the game. I might find something in a couple hours that gives me the strength I need right now. I feel like I experience every feeling harder than I used to. I feel joy and love harder; I feel sadness and despair harder. The stories on the news break my heart like they never have before; at times I think I feel more compassion than ever.

I’ll post a few pictures from the weekend. I hope you enjoy them.